tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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