well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
