if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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