I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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