I didn't shave. On purpose
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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