don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
