Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
