He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
