Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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