I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I got inside last night via doggy door
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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