All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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