I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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