is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
