this just has baby written all over it
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
