Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
