We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
