i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
