when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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