I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
