I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
