good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
