theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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