im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
