he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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