I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i think my mom watched the whole time
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
