I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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