My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
