Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
