just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
