Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
