Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
