So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
