life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
