I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
