You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
