Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
