nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
