I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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