No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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