WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
