she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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