If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
