Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
