I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I will be naked everywhere
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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