I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
