pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
