Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
