I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
