Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
