dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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