so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
