I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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