The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
