We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
