My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
